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Dearest friends and those who do not regard me as one but i am still hopeful...
i have decided to start clean- so i created a new lj- lynnette_rhea
please add me if you wish- if not i wish you all the best and hope that someday we will meet again and enjoy each others company just like old times.
faithfully and always
your friend
lynnette_rhea
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I am waiting for my counselling session.
its been good. medication has not been that harsh on me.
but other stuff are.
like being really distant from friends i love, family and doing the things i love.
i can't stop uni, coz' then i would have to go home to malaysia.
all i can do is wait till the 21st then all will be clear.
crystal clear.
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Thursday, June 24th, 2004
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I have been away. Many things have happened.
Rob and i are finally best friends, the way things always were and always should be.
I am failing all my subjects this semester and need a break so may be going home to malaysia for a while.
i have been really ill lately. Had an X ray done, 'they' asked me to come into the hospital today, they found something in my brain.
I have been really annoyed at my mum's dissapointment in me when it comes to studying.
i have hurt myself purposefully this week.
i am many things but healthy.
don't worry, i will be fine.
either that or dead.
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Wednesday, May 26th, 2004
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| Subject: | EYO! |
| Time: | 11:46 am. |
| Mood: |  jubilant. | | Music: | Walk like an Egyptian!. |
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i got up this morning, went for a jog.
Then met up with Kenny, my great great driving instructer- did a lesson at 8 to 9.30am.
then headed ot Vic Roads, 9.40am
it was my first test, i really expected to fail- i brought all my charged up good luck charms and hoped for the best.
went for my driving test.
i passed and i am so so happy and relieved!!
competitive me had to see the score-
it spread a smile across my already grinning face.
now .... if i can just get a car to practice my newly earned license that would be great!!
but i am very happy and excited!!
today has started so well, mum and dad are estatic, lukas told me i would pass coz' its just common sense (no one really swallows that sort of pep talk) but he had the confidence in me, i surprised rob and he's excited for me, and told me i can drive him around on drinking sprees now LOL!!
going out for lunch
then there's an audition and screen testing at my place-
it will be great and i will sleep tonight, happy and satisfied before
seeing steve tomorrow for guitar lessons!! whoot!!
thank you to those who believe in me, and picked me up when i was down, put up with my stupid behaviour...
i love you all!!
claps**
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A breeze whirled into my lungs
my breath heaved longing your feather kisses
burn my lips so sweetly
your silken touch mesmerises the simplest
desire
to see, feel, taste, be
with you
your presence
looking into your sky blue eyes
flowered petal lids
i desire you
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he said 'i love you'
fast forward- rewind
i think i am in love with you
fast forward- rewind
i think my heart skipped a beat
fast forward- rewind
just want you to know i'm missing you more than a flower misses the sun in winter
fast forward- rewind
i'v never met anyone like you*
fast forward
i love you
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on a livelier note!!
i hope to make it to melissa's house warming it would be nice to see some human beings other than those i have business with.
i hope to make it up to SGC and help organise more stuff.
i hope that our cast will be filled up soon. 1 more to go!!
went to see the 15/15 film festival fantastic stuff!!! went to the website and i am going it next year, i am still here.
river is looking really good, we are to commence filming pretty soon in mid june during the holidays- it is going to be a hell of a headache.
i hope to finish all the assignments somehow even with encumbrance on my hands!!
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| Subject: | Quiet |
| Time: | 9:00 pm. |
| Mood: |  distressed. | | Music: | origins of my lonely soul- rikathen. |
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been out of the internet thing for a while.
Reasons:
1. university complications- on encumbrance and well fee complications that has absolutely nothing to do with me resulted me into a bloody hearing of some sort!
2. a certain thing has happened. i am not sure what to make of it. i don't want to make a mistake! i am playing both sides, threading carefully and safely. but soon i will have to make a decision. it is too hard, i want to move on, but i can't if i stay. if i go, i will move, grow but then will i be lonely and regretful?
3. trying to find a good job so i can tell my now 'acceptable' parents that i appreciate the independence they are giving me, i love them so so so much, and that i want to either stay here or go to europe and see what it will make of me.
been feeling rather dazed and pissed off at my driving lately. i can't make head checks and turns properly, i can't remember roads, i can't do shit!! i am such a loser! no don't tell me how great i am because in this i really do suck!
i have also been confused, disorientated to say the least with everything going on in my head and in my life, the film is going well- but have i taken too much responsiblitly!! have i steped out too early and now i am lost without a sense of direction- all quarters pulling towards me.
i wanted my life to mean something- i want my life to be a good, productive one- so far all i have done is whinged about those that i care about, make stupid mistakes and repeat them over and over.
maybe i am just retarded. just maybe.
its too hard to picture it in my head, me waking up- packing my bags and flying to europe. i could die there- terrible things may happen, my parents worried sick. but in my head, the irony is that i see myself spread out with happiness.
its too hard to say that i am facing a burn out from uni. i hate university. i hate everything about it. i hate going there- i hate being there but if i don't i am nothing- i have no opportunities. i want so much- but i don't know where to start.
with love- it is an ironic thing- it is so beautiful and pure! you take it for granted. then you decide to test the waters. the waters in your head is raging- the water you tested is steady, flowing and committed. what can you do? why should temptation lead to the ruin of a wonderful thing. why did i resist temptation then let it into my life? i don't know. all i know is that i am a lucky girl when it comes to love- and unlucky when it comes to timing.
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SHIT* one screw up with the cheque my dad sent, and now my enrollment from uni has been cancelled. I hope that tomorrow i can try and salvage what's left in hopes they will reinstate me and not deport me!!!
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With everything going, somethings that are perfect are bound to fall apart. Those who care for others- those who care for themselves have to make a decision. To be selfish to find yourself.
I can't be a mother, lover and friend at the same time. It was hard, it still is, his smell lingering- him trying to kiss me to tell me that i still love him. I do. But we are at different places. He says there's hope. I know there is. BUt right now, it is for the best. I have cried all day. I have priorities to set, aims to achieve- Am i foolish? i try to remain stubborn, confident and adamant that this decision will make us both mature, grow up and open up to see the world outside our relationship.
I may walk out now from our lives/future. And if i do regret it and try to walk back in, things will never be the same- we will never be the same. What if i walk back with regret to find him content in the arms of his new love?
I need time to roam within myself. He assures me that he will remain loyal and request i remain the same. I do hope that soon we will sort things out and life will be great. And i will wear that smile hidden for a long time.
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Like the title suggests *wails she's sold out :(
oh well at least i have her cd and i suppose someone will write up on it, its slightly different but hey, her music is a great gift.
off from uni to home then to hang out ...
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READ ME!! read me now!! *bounces
Meme goodness
Firsts:
[First job:] 15- Sun Merry- Baker chick eurghhhh* i haven't moved on!!!
[First screen name:] freeverse
[First funeral:] My grandfather- 1995 he died in his sleep at the age of 66
[First pet:] Puffy- My hamster! :) awwwww
[First credit card:] Nah, they are more trouble than they are a help to me*
[First kiss:] when i was 16- my first real boyfriend of six months,
thought he was one of the best kissers, well i was just over the moon
about kissing
[First enemy:] Hmmmm i have ppl who over time, start hating/disliking
me for some reason, but i have never really had an enemy, except that
chick i broke her nose and cut off her pony tail "_
[First favorite musician:] too hard*
Lasts:
[Last car ride:] Dropped off today at Knox city
[Last kiss:] *cheeky grin i get kisses quite often *lucky me
[Last movie watched:] Peter Pan* the kids made me watch it
[Last beverage drank] apple juice for breakfast
[Last food consumed:] pizza for dinner
[Last phone call:] robert
[Last time showered:] last night
[Last CD played:] Norah Jones- feels like home
[Last website visited:] Yahoo Mail*
Now:
[Single or Taken:] Taken
[Sex:] Female.
[Birthday:] June 4
[Sign:] Gemini Goodness
[Siblings:] brother 18, sister 16, brother 11
[Hair color:] brown
[Eye color:] brown
[Shoe size:] 8-9
[Height:] About five foot seven half-eight???
Right now what are you...
[Wearing:] jeans, funny t shirt, big fat ecko red jacket with the hood up in the middle of class... *rude!!
[Drinking:] Just finished some apple juice
[Thinking about:] what happened this morning and last night*
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well after screaming and crying, mum showed me the stuff she bought for us (there was a lot of stuff)* i was just so excited to see her- and smell her, and hear her talking about the house and watching her clean and shop for stuff. I didn't get to celebrate mother's day with her, i had to work from 3-9 then i had to meet up with film ppl to talk about the film. It turned out to be great!! grins*
here i am at lightwave class, no understanding what the guy is talking about- but i will get there... was slightly late- need to update- catch up sort of thingo*
thanks everyone who stuck by my crazy mummy missing days* i'm alright and i feel that i will be getting better... somehow..
bb rhea
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I recieved the best surprise ever!!!! On mother's day, tonight ABOUT 5 MIN AGO- MUM CAME HOME! iT WAS A TOTAL SURPRISE. I AM SQUEEING AND CYN AND I WERE SCREAMING AND CRYING! IT IS THE BEST MONTH OF MY LIFE!!
bb RHEA
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Yesterday, i met up with Damien and along with Rob, we talked about RIver's orientation dates and audition dates. The orientation for those interested is on this week's Friday 14 May. Then we will go ahead to arrange auditions for Evan's character on the MOnday- Delilah- TUesday- Anthea- Wednesday. All auditions start at 1 and goes till 4pm. Damien is arranging all of the paper work and appointment dates and times.
Asch, i don't know what you are up to those days, but i need someone to be there so they can brief the ppl and let them in so i can film their audition.
Met but with Lukas today, he's latvian :) very cool and very out there :) he's into Borat too which is totally swell. It was a weird night, i drank and i danced and i got really trashed, i had to crash at amandas and lukas had to hold my hand so i could stand up heheheh it was a sight for them, esp to lukas seeing he only knew me for a couple of hours :) He wants me to act in his mocumentary for his film The white Card, screening at the Capitol Theatre on the 21st. Its pretty cool to see my area of friends and connection extend :)
image of the day: lukas in his cream hat, his unruly hair and his white top that made girls and guys swoon over him at the lounge LOL!... a guy came over and told me to tell lukas that he was hot... i told lukas and he blushed * heheheh
came home during midday- cleaned the house, slept for an hour, made dinner and am once again tired and beat...
in all it was good, except i think i kissed someone by accident and can't remember who it was... pray let it be a girl.. or a gay guy.,../..
signing off
hungover rhea
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Eurghhhhh!!! i'm so tired BUT so excited at the same time, i don't really know how to handle it all.
River is looking good, i have finished compiling character elements for the auditions to start, but i don't have a date for that yet.
Meeting Damien tomorrow for a pre prod meeting- getting stuck into it. asch, you are welcome to come, we are talking about schedules, calendar dates stuff like that, would be great if you came along as well, i know you have been busy with work and all- if you just want to help me out with location that would be more than enough.
There is so much to be done, uni work which is slowly developing... the film, my job, my volunteer job at the theatres.... erugrrghhhh!!!
i am tired, but i shouldn't complain, i want this movie done! and i want it done! have i said that already... oh well....
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Taken from people!
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you have a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
7. Describe me in one word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When's the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?
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I got a message from that wheel you spin at Spellbox. Ask and you shall recieve (provided it is within plausible reach of course;) I asked that i pass my tests for driving so that i can have the best 20th birthday present ever, my license and my car. The first half of that wish has come true.
this morning i went into Vic Roads and did my hazard perception test. I passed. LEaps with joy!!!! and i have my driving test scheduled on the 26 of May. I will need all the driving and luck to get me through coz' not many ppl get it the first go even at Greensorough.
SO wish me luck!!
Another wish was that my film River will start coming to life- if you haven't read the script don't fret..i plan to invite every person i know to the premiere if it ever finishes. I already have a few independant film makers and production companies offer sponsorship and crew/technical stuff to the film, there's my co-assistant manager/producer damien, my great location manager/talent scout Asch, and now we just need to review the pre prod paper work and kick it into gear! It is all very exciting. =
ON a sad note, mum called dad sobbing about wanting to come home, we miss her dearly and dad has fallen sick making his trip to Sydney impossible at this point.
MY uni work is falling behind but i am keeping at it and making sure that i do not get another seizure just in case i fall asleep and never wake up.
Yesterday was the coolest day i have had in a long time:
Got up at 8 went to uni for my lecture at 10- finished up and printed scripts etc. headed down to meet rob for noodle box, met asch in the city who was meeting Zanthia. Met asch and Zanthia in the freezing evening had hot chocolate and a cookie, headed to buy cakes and ale for the ritual... (what were we thinking doing a ritual in a public beach i will never know but i really really loved it!!!) Met damien and went for coffee and refilled coffee while reading the script (sorry to anyone who got bored :(_ then damien went home.
We hopped onto a tram that took us to st kilda, chatting away when the girl sitting opposite me pulled a peculiar face and asked if asch was well... asch. She the revealed that she was Gia, the girl on the group that said that she was worried about not recognising the group of us. It was a really strange-surreal moment but i took a liking to Gia as i did Zanthia. It turns out that later that night we all found something in common with regards to our partner's sleeping patterns.
We met up with Jo, Melissa and Alexa- they were too cold the poor lasses and seeked the comforts of the cafe nearby. We crazy ones stayed behind braved the crazy cold, our finger and feet numbing and performed a quick ritual with chants- it got too cold after cakes and ale and we scrambled into the cafe after closing the circle.
THe moon shone brightly above us during the ritual, giving each of us a kick start and a buzz, we paid 3.00 for stupid twinnings tea and hot water to infuse it at the stokehouse.. then proceeded to find munchies, it wasn't till around 11 that we finally found a place to sit down and have pizza for 4.50!! and cocktails for 6! UNfortunately some ppl were smoking and melissa and alexa said goodbye due to melissa's allergies to cigarette smoke. THe night went on with meeting Jo's friend who's name i didn't quite grasp Michelle i think.... each of them are so stunning and amazing! and we all come from such different areas/background etc.
learning about all these people and their journey is amazing, sharing an unexpected great night out was a reward and a blessing.
All these women were so great and wonderful, they are amazing their presence comforting and diverse- it is just great to be able to catch up with asch and meet these women who i have taken such a liking to
image of the day- of Gia , zanthia and i running down swanston trying to catch their trains, i hope they did. it was great fun even with a sitch i got later hehehe.... i hope to see all these great people again and we had alot to brain storm about and sgc looks like it will be kicking up a notch and start having some cool- fun filled activities soon :)
much chatting need to shut up and sleep
love and blessings
Rhea
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Ishara made me this icon :) sigh* its devine isn't it :)
hugs ishy. Hope you will feel much better :)
keep the creative juices going ;)
love Rhea
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astraelazuli's journal
annoyed.
bouncy.
loved.
drained.